I have this probably very unhealthy obsession with Mr. Big. In my eyes, he’s perfect. Which if you know the relationship he and Carrie had, that statement could be a little crazy.

Yes he broke her heart, a few times too many. And sometimes he was a jerk, sometimes he just plain jerked her around. But he always came back.

Mr. Big was by no means a perfect man. He wasn’t at all prince charming – just like every real life guy out there. This is why I just love him so much. He made mistakes, he fucked up, he broke hearts and promises, he did things wrong, but he always made a point to make things right. And even at his worst, he never failed to let her know that he cared about her.

But somehow, even with all the faults that Mr. Big has, faults that I am willing to accept in a real man, I can’t seem to find a guy in the world who can be half of what Mr. Big is. This character has given me false expectations. Somehow I thought it was slightly realistic, ya know, “He isn’t perfect, but he makes everything worth it”. NOPE! I was wrong!

Apparently every guy in my life just ISN’T perfect, and there’s no trade off for it. No being sweet, or cute, or at least trying to woo me for half a minute. And worst of all, no admitting…for just one second…that I actually matter at all.

I was willing to lower the bar – from Disney status, to Big status. But I don’t think I can let myself get any lower than that. Realize, I don’t think any girl expects a perfect man, because none of us are perfect either. All I really want is an honest effort…to be true, to yourself, me, and both of our hearts.

All I REALLY want is my own Mr. Big.